I have been grappling with a few different blog posts over the past few weeks and just could not come to terms with what to post next. The process of change has been ever-present in my life for the last few months and what better way to incorporate this process than to discuss yet another year gone by or as today would entail - one year older.
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| If you look close in the sky, the Coast Guard came out special for my birthday! |
So today I turn 35 years old.
35.
Yawn.
I have been feeling a bit down these past few days and I know it has nothing to do with the number 35. I always joke that I am like the clothing store, "Forever 21." I do not think about age in terms of a number but more an experience - the way one really feels. I like to think that I feel healthy and alive.
So what is making me a little blue this birthday season? Well, this is the first birthday ever in my life where I am not in Minnesota. Can you imagine? My first 34 birthdays were all celebrated in Minnesota?
I have always loved my birthday - I will admit it. I like to celebrate me. I tend to blame my narcissism on the fact that I am the youngest of seven children and still to this day thrive off of attention. It makes sense. I loved being on stage as a kid and young adult. Then, I ended up making a career out of getting up in front of people and instructing them on how to exercise. Many would think that this is crazy but to me it is just pure awesome.
Now, I am very aware that my birthday celebrations have evolved over the years. I left the bar scene right around the time I had my first baby (or maybe I just limited my bar time once I had a baby). Other things became more important - it was more about getting together with family and close friends. Recently birthdays have even simply been about taking time for me.
So after talking with my sister a few nights ago it got me thinking about what is really going on here. No, I am not worried that I am growing old, I actually take aging as a challenge (that is a whole other post) but I realized that this is going to be a year of "firsts" for me and my whole family.
Changes have been happening left and right; they have not stopped or even slowed down since we arrived on the Suncoast. I am still amazed at how calm we have been for the most part with everything that we have gone through over the past few months. Some of these changes have been challenging but for the most part they have been exciting. I think that there will be many more exciting "firsts" but the ones like birthdays and holidays will be bittersweet.
So as I embark on this here birthday, I started to think about how some of the Ten Living Principles of Yoga could guide me through this first "firsts." The Ten Living Principles are broken up into Yamas (Don'ts) and Niyamas (Do's). There are two that seem to guide me through my thoughts and emotions at this present time.
First, would be the Yama of Aparigraha. Aparigraha is defined as not grasping. We get attached or comfortable to a way of life, the way it should be and basically live our lives around that idea or process. This would be fine if life were indeed a standard event in which nothing ever changed; but life does change, and it demands that we adapt and change with it. Many of the teachings in yoga philosophy tell us that nothing in life is permanent. Life would be much easier and substantially less painful if we lived with the knowledge of impermanence as the only constant. Many of us have learned the hard way that if we hold onto anything too tightly we almost always loose it (this applies to objects, ideas and people). Our best option then lies in breaking down the barriers, letting go of what we think we need to hold onto and allowing ourselves to grow. It is through that letting go that we become more resilient.
The second principle would be the Niyama of Santosha. Santosha means contentment or the practice of contentment. I thought this fit perfectly with where I am at this given time for the practice of contentment is about having the ability to feel satisfied within one's own immediate experience. Now, this does not necessarily mean happiness for there are going to be times in life where we are not fully happy but we can be content. I like to think that it means we are at peace with where we are at any given stage in our lives.
So, I guess that means I need to let go of the way it has been for the last 34 years and go out and celebrate my birthday Florida style. No expectations, just to live in this current moment at this current time. I need to be satisfied with where I am at this given time and realize that life is ever changing. So, I decided to make this day a little about me with a lot about our new surroundings and our family that is also experiencing these "firsts" as well.
I spent time on Skype this morning with my niece who is about to move from Sweden to Korea - wow! Talk about a huge change and she is just going for it. Way to go April!
I had the honor to spend a good chunk of the day frolicking on Clearwater Beach with my amazing husband. It was like the G rated version of the beach scene from the movie "From Here to Eternity."
I finished my day watching my kids swim at sunset in the ocean (yes, I was at the beach twice in one day - priceless) and then ate a Dairy Queen ice cream cone on the ride home. It was everything and nothing like how I thought my birthday should be like and it was great. I think I could get used to this beach birthday celebrating but I will strive to remember that life is always shifting.
I once heard this spoken in a yoga class, "Always let go, never give up." This shall be my mantra for this coming year of "firsts."
May the light in me honor the light in you,
Namaste
P.S. If you like music to groove you, these two songs really seem to "sing" to me at this given time. Plus, they are just plain catchy. Enjoy!
"Knee Deep" by The Zac Brown Band: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gbxf0WWSROk
"My next thirty years" by Tim McGraw: http://youtu.be/NoR78-PomKc
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