Last year we were up in Minnesota at this time celebrating Father's Day with my entire family. I remember when we planned the trip there was a tiny thought in my head that this could be the last Father's Day with my dad. Little did I know that I would be correct. I think many of us kind of knew. My mother was so adamant that everyone be there for the party and that there were plenty of pictures captured. It was a fun day and I know my dad loved it - the whole family was gathered one more time.
I miss my dad today. Plain and simple, I just miss him.
Yet, I find great comfort in the many memories that cannot be erased. Days of great joy with my dad, especially during this time of year - blessed summer!
Summer was a time I always looked forward to as a kid for I knew my dad would be taking time off and we would hop in the car and road trip across the country. The days were longer; the sun was shining warm upon us after a long, cold winter and it was that special time to chill with the family.
With the collaboration of Father's Day and the Summer Solstice this year it got me thinking about endings and beginnings.
The first day of summer kind of feels like another chance to start anew. Like a "Happy Half New Year!" Growing up in Minnesota summers were sacred. We relished every single day for we knew winter would return again. The malls were empty but the lakes, parks and pools were crowded. The grills were fired up every night for dinner and the smell of sunscreen and mosquito repellent were in the air.
My father's death marked an end to his physical life on earth yet his presence will always be a part of me. This way of celebrating or remembering Father's Day is the mark of a new beginning for me. I may not have my father actually here but I can remember all those fun days of summer. I can remember all those days he took my own girls to the pool when they were babies. I can remember those hot nights he would come over to watch the Minnesota Twins on television with us at our house to get more time with his little angels and to enjoy the cool AC (they did not have AC in their old house).
I also look at my daughters and think, they not only got those amazing years of "papa" but they are blessed with a wonderful father themselves. I truly believe that the way my father treated my mother and all of us kids are exactly why I have my own amazing husband and children. My father taught me that I deserve to have love and respect in my life, no exceptions. Those values can never be taken away.
So as I embark on my first Father's Day without my dad, I thought I would write him a little letter. This Father's Day marks a new beginning for me and what better way to start then with a letter of gratitude.
Dear Dad,
I miss you today. I miss that deep laugh of yours. I miss your handsome blue eyes. I miss your embrace and sweet kisses on the cheek. There are so many things I miss but instead of dwelling on all that I miss, I wish to thank you for all the things you gave me that have shaped me as the woman I am today. Here are just a few:
I got your Scandinavian cheekbones - everyone could always tell I was a Wallander.
I love food and always will. The food is especially good if it gets all over your face and on the floor as well.
I know the importance of loving your family no matter what.
I try my hardest to take care of my teeth. Yet, I avoid doctors as much as I can.
Eat burnt toast to make your hair curly. Oh, and make sure there is A LOT of butter on that toast.
Minnesota is the best place on earth. I still agree dad but oh those winters!
Time spent on people is more important then money spent on people.
Education is a priority not an option.
Everyone deserves to live a good life. Go unions!
Only drive American cars. That might change dad but so far I have!
Take care of your mother.
Love God and love your neighbor.
There are so many more but these are just some that make my heart smile. I hope that you know how special you are to me. I hope you are at peace, enjoying a new beginning. I hope that all your days are like those of summer filled with warmth, relaxation and love.
Your little girl always,
Esperanza
May this Father's Day and the mark of the summer season be filled with tears of sadness and joy, of endings and beginnings but most of all love and peace.
The warm summer light in my heart honors the warm summer light in yours,
Namaste
