It is official; we are entering into our second year here in Florida. The first year, the honeymoon year, is always a whirlwind. Everything is new and you live by the mantra "This is the first..." Things still feel new in the second year but the nostalgia of it being the first has worn off. You still feel like the newbie but you can no longer truly wear that crown. You walk around confused, in between the world of those that know where there are going and those that are still completely lost. I call this the second year syndrome.
As the kids went back to school last week, Mike and I did our annual "Hurry, drop the kids off at school and let's go celebrate at the beach," day. We spent the morning walking on Clearwater beach while recapping our first full Florida summer. Let's see, it was hot, hot and did I mention humid? Like every summer vacation, it goes by too fast and yet going back to school is always exciting and new.
So as the kids embark on another new school year, as Mike has another exciting year ahead at his career, I too have a new year filled with more possibilities. I have been feeling an array of emotions since returning from Minnesota last month. It was a great trip but my feelings have been all over the place - happy, sad, anxious, bored, restless, and uneasy. Not sure where I am heading but I know I have things set ahead for me. After speaking with both my good friend Linda and my niece April, I finally figured out where I am; I am unsettled.
As the Buddha said, impermanence is the nature of the human condition. Many of us know this truth in our minds but tend to resist in our hearts. Change happens all around us, all the time, yet we long for the predictable, the consistent. We want the reassurance that comes from things remaining the same.
I have found myself going through this often in the last few weeks. I know a lot of it has to do with my current visit back to Minnesota. I was temporarily put back in "the way it used to be" mode. Then within a matter of hours I was transported back to my new way of life here in Florida. It is so easy to cling onto the memories of the past, especially when they are wonderful memories. Yet, I have had many exciting experiences so far here in Florida that I do not want to feel ungrateful for these opportunities.
I recently came across an article from Judith Hanson Lasater explaining certain verses of Patanjali's Yoga Sutras. She uses the first verse that is translated "Now is an exposition on yoga." Lasater does a good job at explaining what we should really be focusing on in this verse:
I know that things have changed, but it is how I have been reacting to these changes that are making me feel the many ways I do. I have some new avenues that I am about to travel down and I am resisting this change by feeling anxious and scared. Instead of brooding over the fact that "We ain't in Minnesota anymore," I should be embracing, "Yes, we are in Florida NOW!"
These feelings of being unsettled are real and will more than likely never go away for nothing is permanent, things are always changing. Maybe I should throw out the second year syndrome and go back to the honeymoon stage - but with eyes wide open for the here and now. I should treat every experience as if it were both the first and possibly the last time I could do it. Enjoy what is now for tomorrow might be something completely different (and maybe even better).
So as I walk forward with new opportunities this fall, watch my girls grow another year older and my husband spread his brilliant teachings to others, all I need to remember is to watch and then let go for I know something new is right up ahead of us again, and again, and again, and again...
May the ever changing light in my heart honor the ever changing light in yours.
Namaste
