Another year older...

How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are? - Satchel Paige

I recently read an article by a woman who went through a real turning point in her life at age 36.  She felt like she had not accomplished enough at the age that she had reached.  She was looking for a way to bring more fulfillment to her life.  The article was intriguing as I am currently turning 36 today and have been having similar feelings for the past few months.

The number of the birthday has never really matter that much to me.  I still feel 21 in many ways.  I might have a few more aches and pains, a few wrinkles and more things to worry about but overall I still feel young.  I think what has been the hardest part for me this birthday is feeling like I am caught between those carefree younger years and the wise older years.  I am currently in the "Put your head down and swim" years.

It got me thinking about something I read recently with regards to life and the process of change.

In India there is a traditional Hindu social model that underscores the change we continuously experience. Called the Ashramas, or Stages of Life, it defines four distinct periods in life, during which people can and should do certain things.

The first, brahmacharya (brahmic conduct), is the student stage, during which one learns about oneself and the world.  I find that I am beyond this stage and yet I think we should always be in a constant quest to learn.

The second, grihastha (householder), is the stage of family and societal obligations. This is my current stage and yet I find myself wanting more. 

The last two stages focus on renunciation. During the third, vanaprastha (forest dweller), one is freer to begin a contemplative life. And during stage four, samnyasa (renunciation), one goes deeper, surrendering all worldly things and living as a simple mendicant.

I think that in theory we would like to move from stage one to four in order and yet I do not know if that is possible.  These stages are meant to help us accept change for we know that we will move from one stage to the other and that nothing is permanent.

As I review these stages I feel like I am at a crossroads.  I have not fully let go of stage one and I don't know if I ever will.  I am fully emerged in stage two but at times I feel that I desire stage three.  Looking ahead for that freedom to continue on my future path and calling.

As Mike and I walked on the beach yesterday (my pre-birthday beach walk), we were discussing these four Stages of Life.  He and I are both feeling the pull of stage two on our lives.  We love the craziness of having a young family and yet we want more.  We both are struggling with what is it that we need to make us happy. 

I went back to the article from the woman who turned 36 and needed more in her life.  She decided to set some personal goals for herself before she turned 40.  Some of these things were professional but many were just things she wanted to do.  It was inspiring to see what she was able to accomplish and she too had a young family but made it work.

So Mike and I declared a short list to each other as we walked along the beach and some are quite ambitious but many are simply quests that we could do as a family. Do you want to know our goals?  Well, I have to keep you coming back for more so keep reading my blog and slowly the list will be revealed. 

It was a bit more of a quiet birthday this year but I have a feeling they are just going to get bigger and better as the year's progress.  Here is to another year older in body but forever young in spirit.

May the light in me honor the light in you.

Namaste