Mixed Emotions

If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. - Wayne Dyer

Our one year anniversary of becoming Floridian's is upon us.  On July 6th we will have been here in the sunny state of Florida for exactly one year.  So what are we doing to celebrate?  We are getting in our car and heading up to visit good old Minnesota.  It feels strange to say that I am spending my vacation in Minnesota - this is something I never thought I would say.  Do not get me wrong, I love Minnesota but after living there for 34 years it was always home, not a vacation destination.

I have to laugh a bit for we now live in a state that is a vacation destination and every time I walk on the beach I think, this is so cool.  Sometimes I still feel like I am on vacation.  I have grown accustomed to my beach walks, my constant application of SPF and even those palmetto bugs are old hat now.

One of our favorite places just 10 minutes from our home: Honeymoon Island State Park
Mike caught this picture of me doing what I love the most - walking on the beach!

So with this pending trip ahead of us I must say that I am a bit anxious.  I am excited to see all my family and friends but I wonder how I am going to feel.  I have not seen some of my family members for over a year.  This is the longest I have ever gone in my entire life without seeing them.  How are my kids going to react to going back to Minnesota?  Will I not want to leave?  Will I be excited to come back to Florida?  So many questions - ah!

I was on the phone this past week with a college friend who I plan on seeing on my trip and I said to her, "I might cry."  I just know it is going to be an emotional trip.  As I write this blog passage I am actually starting to feel alright about it being emotional.  I believe that relationships are the most crucial part of being human.  So, experiencing joy of reconnecting and sorrow of living far away are simply responses to my own humanity. 

I have been trying my hardest to keep up with my personal yoga practice to help me stay centered through these next few weeks.  I came across a nice article about yoga and anxiety.  We live in a culture that tends to create a lot of anxiety and stress.  So, sometimes it is something as simple as taking a few moments to breathe deeply and move freely with our bodies that helps us calm down.  Take a look at the article if you are looking for actual postures that are helpful for this:

Yoga poses for anxiety

I am truly excited to spend my summer vacation with my family and friends.  I know I will have a ton of fun, laughing (and maybe crying), reconnecting and remembering what matters to me most.  Nurturing human relationships should always be emotional; otherwise it simply is just "someone I know."

May the love in my heart honor the love in yours,

Namaste

P.S. Minnesota peeps, call, text or email me if you want to get together while we are up in MN.  Please keep the mosquitoes to a minimum!

A change of scenery

He who rejects change is the architect of decay.  The only human institution which rejects progress is the cemetery.  -Harold Wilson

I was training a client the other day and I asked her what she was doing for Memorial Day weekend.  She recently moved to Florida as well and her response was "I don't know.  I was so used to going to the cabin where I used to live that I don't know what I am supposed to do down here."  I thought that was kind of funny for my gut response to her was "Go to the beach of course!"

It has been helpful to have the beautiful distraction of the Gulf and the mild weather these past eleven months to assist with our big move.  It is hard to believe that we are just a few weeks away from completing our first full year in Florida.  I can truly say it has been life-changing.  Actually, what it has really made me do is examine the process of change and how every person handles it differently.

As I look at my family, I can say that we have each adjusted well.  A lot of this has to do with the fact that we have each other.  Our relocation to Florida basically forced us to be a close family.  We were always very involved with our kids, doing things together but since moving down here that has been the main focus.  Whether we head to the beach or to the fruit stand, we do it together.

Both Mike and I have been fortunate to have careers that we could jump right into once we arrived.  I cannot express how important my teaching and training at the YMCA has kept me connected and alive.  I am thankful to have a place where I can practice my skills and help people each and every day. 

The girls have settled so well into their new school and have met some very fun friends.  We were invited to a Memorial Day party of one of Chloe's classmates and it was so nice to hang out with other people who have gone through similar experiences like us.  We kind of like the new Memorial Day tradition of a pool party!

So I thought again over Memorial Day weekend about my client who always headed to the cabin.  Yeah, we used to do similar things like heading to the cabin as well living in Minnesota but now we have other things we can do.  Sometimes it is important to change things up, give something else a try.  It all goes back to how we handle change.  I could wallow in the fact that I am not in Minnesota or I can embrace that fact that I am about 10 minutes away from one of the best beaches in the whole U.S.A.  Things change and thank goodness they do.  It is not always easy but it is definitely doable.

Walking on the beach a few times per week has become a great way for me calm my mind and enjoy my change of scenery.  This journey has not been all rainbows and kittens but it has been a beautiful adventure so far.  I look forward to completing my first year and am excited to see what the next year brings us.

May the light in me honor the light in you.

Namaste

P.S. I am happy to report that my client did end up going to the beach on Memorial Day weekend!

The big stuff

Life is so constructed, that the event does not, cannot, will not, match the expectation. - Charlotte Bronte

It has been a busy month for the MacMillan family.  From guests in town to celebrating Chloe's birthday, we have had our fill of big events.  For a moment I breathe a sigh of relief and say, "We made it through the big stuff."  The big stuff referring to our first Florida Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter and of course birthdays. 

I have struggled with the idea of having the "perfect" moments for my kids.  I think a mixture of guilt from moving them 1500 miles away from their original home and my striving for perfection have put me in an anxious mode these past few months.  Luckily I have a husband, family and friends that keep me grounded.  They remind me that I am doing the best that I can for my kids and at the end of the day, I know they are given all the love and support that they need from me.   So, as I have gotten a few of these big events here in Florida under my belt I have realized that it always works out and just being together makes it a great event.

It was so fun to watch Chloe and all her little kindergarten friends swim and play at her birthday party.  It was not a huge spectical and yet at the end of the day Chloe was so happy.  That was all that mattered and it brought a smile to my heart.

We have had so many fun times here in Florida and a lot of those revolve around the beach.  My oldest sister was in town a few weeks ago and we of course made the great drive to Clearwater Beach.  It was the week of the Sandcastle Sculptures and that was really neat to see.  We are used to seeing snow castles but this year we traded that in for sand instead. 

Girls in front of a sand sculpture at Clearwater Beach

 

I have spent a lot of my time and energy on worrying about how the big events would turn out that I let that shadow these fun adventures.  It is always a work in progress, the test of patience, letting go of expectation and just enjoying the ride.

I used to say this to many of my yoga students, "Practice makes better (not perfect)." I think that this can be applied to all areas of life.  There are always going to be good days and maybe not so good days.  This goes for on and off the yoga mat. 

After you practice yoga for a while you start to realize that there are days where just rolling out the mat is about all our practice will involve.  I had a good realization last week during my own yoga practice, "What happens on the mat, stays on the mat."  Our yoga practice is just that, our own.  So are the big and not so big events in our lives - they are always ours.

So, I will continue to practice the art of patience, striving to simply be better (not perfect) and enjoying this sun-filled ride.

May the light in me honor the light in you,

Namaste

Springing forward for a sharper mind

The mind can go in a thousand directions, but on this beautiful path, I walk in peace.  With each step, the wind blows.  With each step, a flower blooms. - Thich Nhat Hanh

The progression of the seasons is evident in so many ways. We see it in our natural surroundings, the birds singing, the trees blooming, the days are lighter and longer. I feel like spring is the new "New Year's."  Time to consider changes for us, out with the old and in with the new - yoga practices.

On Tuesdays and Thursdays I instruct a Yoga Intro class which is then followed with fifteen minutes of guided meditation. I simply love these classes. I am amazed at the openness and willingness of the participants. Many of the participants are well over 60; many quite limited in their movements and yet so dedicated to coming week after week.

The class is simply inspiring and makes me proud of where anyone can go, no matter what age, shape or form. I think what makes the class so awesome is how so many people stay for the fifteen minutes of meditation. This is where the real work begins and today I was reminded of how important it is to "try something new."

I have evolved over my 13 years of teaching. I used to think that yoga was just about the poses, hard work and pushing to that final expression of the pose. Well, in today’s practice we mostly focused on standing postures using a chair for assistance. We move at a slower pace, really focusing on getting into the postures and changing them for each person's needs. We spend quite a bit of time on learning how to really breathe - finding a complete inhale and exhale. Finally settling into our savasana. Most of us can get down to the floor but those that cannot stay in their chairs and simply find their own state of calm.

Today's guided meditation was given to me by a fellow instructor. I really liked it so I thought I would try it out on the class. The meditation is a memory meditation and involves some vocalizing. Being the old "asana only" yogi for so many years you must know that chanting and oming is still a bit "out there for me." Although I like to think that it is the people in the class that won't like it, I think I have used that as a cover up for my own insecurities with this process.

So, I thought what the heck let's try out this meditation and see how people react.

The idea is that you say the sounds "Sa, Ta, Na, Ma" while touching your thumbs to a corresponding finger. "Sa" goes with thumb and index finger, "Ta" with thumb and middle finger, "Na" with thumb and ring finger, "Ma" with thumb and pinky finger. The first two minutes you say the syllables out loud while lightly touching the corresponding finger, the next two minutes you whisper the syllables, the next four minutes you say them silently in your head, the next two minutes return to whispering, and the final two minutes back to saying them out loud. It should take about twelve minutes give or take. You also really want to draw out the "ah" sound with each syllable.

The meditation itself is quite simple and very soothing. So how did the class respond? Quite well indeed. Everyone was saying the words, some louder than others but no one walked out (which is always an instructor's biggest fear, well that and someone getting hurt). Everyone left at the end with a great yogi smile and a calming nature.

This meditation was conducted on a group of people through an Alzheimer’s study. They did this memory meditation everyday for 8 weeks and found amazing results showing increased blood flow to the area of the brain that holds memory.

I just finished reading Sanjay Gupta's "Chasing Life." It is a great read on how to live the fullest life we can with what we have before us. I felt great about my role so far in the exercise and diet areas (although there is always room for improvement!), but when he started talking about lowering our stress levels and exercising our brains I felt like a slouch. This memory meditation is something that I can do for the next few weeks. Conducting it with my class as well as doing it on my own. I know this area I need to grow and change comes from within. I cannot control very much in life but I can take a lead on trying to make my life the most abundant it can be with the tools I have at hand.

So we come back to this new season of spring and my goal is to take better care of my mind and spirit. I need this calming breath and focus as I jump into tax season!

Allow this spring season to open our hearts, minds and spirits to something new. I leave you with a simple song of "Sa, Ta, Na, Ma."

May the springtime light in me honor the springtime light in you.

Namaste.

Oh the places we have been...

A person who never made a mistake never tried anything new. - Albert Einstein

The other day as I was cleaning, like the good Virgo that I am, I got to thinking about greater things in my life that I have tried that are beyond simply having a presentable home.  What have I done so far in this life of mine?  We tend to dwell so much on the things we have not done that we fail to see all that has been accomplished.  So here are a few things that came to mind for me:

1. I totally forgot that right out of college I tried out for the Minnesota Opera.  Seriously, I had a music minor degree and I knew I would not make it into even a chorus role but I was young and it was a great opportunity. I got professional pictures taken and everything.  I did not get a call back but at least I could say I tried.  I am sure that the young diva in me said something like, "Their loss, wait until I am famous..."

2.  I kissed the Blarney Stone in Ireland on Saint Patrick's Day.  Yes, I made the hike up the famous castle, let some old Irish guy hang onto me as I bent backwards  (my pre-yoga days)  and thankfully did not contract any diseases in the process.  It is true; I have the gift of gab and luckily a strong immune system!

3. I hung out with actual Welch Rubgy players in Wales.  To be real honest, they might not have been rugby players but they were Welch and a ton of fun!  I recommend that anyone in college take advantage of traveling abroad - it will change your life.

4. I have roughed it in the wilderness in the BWCA (Boundary Waters Canoe Area) in northern Minnesota.  No phones, beds, or running water.  I carried 50 pound packs on my back, canoes, pumped water to drink, and made food over a campfire.  It was some of the toughest work I have ever done and also the most satisfying.  On one of those trips I also went cliff jumping .  Thanks to our fearless leader Nancy for she jumped first to make sure it was safe.  It was a total rush and I want to do it again. As much as I love sitting by the beach relaxing, there is something awesome about roughing it.

5. I married a man who respects me and my dreams.  He is a generous and compassionate person who has the same desire to do well in this world.  He loves his daughters and would lay down his life for any of us.  This is a true gift.

6.  I completed my first ever triathlon when I was six months pregnant.  I remember kissing my husband before the race and he looked at me and said, "Be safe."  I knew he was going to be a good dad right at that moment.  I crossed the finish line with my friend Jen in under two hours.  I recall taking a two hour nap and then we headed down to Murray's Steak house for the famous butter knife steak.  Nothing better then earning a fine meal.

7.  I bruised my ribs in a boogie board accident in Hawaii.  One of the most painful injuries in my recent history but well worth the embarrassing memories (and six-plus week recovery!).

8. I had two natural childbirths.  To some this might not seem like much but to those that have given birth - it is a big deal!  Thank goodness for yoga and breathing.  I am thankful for a strong body and two healthy children.

9. I found a career where when I come home I feel like I have made a difference in my community.  I am a role model, a motivator and I hope that people view me as a good person. 

10.  I moved to Florida before I was 65!

I could go on with more things but the point is to do a quick reflection.  This can easily tie into the practice of yoga.  Many times we offer a pose to try for participants and a lot of people simply say, " I cannot do that."  What we need to realize is that the final look of any pose is always a journey.  One person's trikonasana is not another's.  There is not one defined way to reach a pose, we each get there at our own pace and with our own abilities.  I think that is why I have been so drawn to yoga over the years, there are not absolutes, just suggestions.  Like life, yoga is not about what we have not done but where we have been and are continuing to go with our practice. 

So, to all of us who are still trying to figure out what we are going to do when we grow up, stop worrying, reflect upon what we have done so far and enjoy the journey.  Work and play hard and before we know it, work and play become the same thing.  Try that funky yoga pose, go sky-diving (or something outside our comfort zone), hug the ones you love AND hug those that challenge us for they need it, too.

May the light in my heart honor the light in your heart.

Namaste

Halfway empty? No way, halfway full!

“It is very important to generate a good attitude, a good heart, as much as possible.  From this, happiness in both the short term and the long term for both yourself and others will come." - Dalai Lama

The Christmas holiday has passed, we are into the New Year and it also marks our 6 month anniversary as Floridians.  It was a wild and crazy 2012 to say the least.  I am still in awe that it has already been 6 months since we packed up our car and waved goodbye to Minnesota that hot July day.  I hear it is about 2 degrees back in Minne"snow"ta while we all shiver here at about 75 degrees. 

The year 2012 will go down in history for the MacMillan family as one giant year.  As I reflect upon all that we were handed over the last 12 months I am amazed at all that we experienced as a family, as individuals and as a community in this world. 

 As I was biking to the Y last week I was thinking about a very important part of life: attitude.

I just read an article in one of my fitness magazines that stated that simply smiling can lower your heart rate when you are stressed out.  Did you know that grumpy people's heart rates stayed elevated longer during a stressful time then those that put on a true grin?  Just another reason to live by the lyrics, "So put on a happy face!"

I think looking forward with a positive attitude really makes the difference in our lives.  I have been lucky to be surrounded by a lot of people that have great attitudes.  This is not to say that these people are always happy.  It is not easy to always be happy and I do not necessarily believe we always need to be happy.  There are times when we feel down, lonely, anxious or my favorite term, "Blah."  Yet, I think we can turn these feelings around by simply examining that good old notion," Is the glass half empty or half full?"

Yoga is a great way to shift a negative mood into a positive one.  In the book written by Swami Shankarananda, Carrot in My Ear,  he says, "The attitude of yoga is of total responsibility. We are responsible for our lives, our society, our actions. Every moment in time is a new opportunity. You are at a crossroads with two paths. Every moment the same choice is available. Every moment wipes out the past and gives you a new possibility. If you chose wrongly in the last moment, choose correctly now. The choice is always the same-downward to ignorance and depression, or upward to joy and insight. In every moment, there is hope and a fresh choice."

We all have experiences in our lives where attitude really influences the outcome.  How often have we been driving in the car, excited about where we were going and then traffic totally takes the joy out of the journey? Hopefully we are able to let go of these negative thoughts and move on but many would agree that it is not always that easy.

Yoga leads us to pathways of inner strength that is refined and firm, yet also gentle and accepting. There are many ways to practice yoga and they can vary broadly in the areas of physical postures and philosophy. Certain types of yoga include rigorous or gentle rounds of postures, self-inquiry, repetition of mantra, techniques of meditation and compassion for yourself or others. Although different types of yoga can vary in these realms, all the traditions offer suggestions to embrace an attitude that is purposeful and flexible.

I have noticed over the years that sometimes just getting to a yoga class is all we need to change our attitudes.  I have seen many people enter a yoga class completely flustered and by the end of practice you can just feel the overall blood pressure of the room slow down.  It is important that we each spend quiet time so we can calm our minds and renew our bodies. 

Hindu philosopher, Kashmir Shaivism, recommends embracing the fluctuations of mood and working with them. We can acknowledge the complete range of human experience through meditation and self-inquiry to achieve higher states of consciousness. One way of doing this is to look inside ourselves to identify what we are thinking and shift our series of thoughts to a more positive state when we are in a negative mood. I have found that simply repeating a positive mantra helps to dissolve the chatter of the mind to create a more uplifting thought process.  I recently heard a great mantra in class the other day, "Breathe in light, breathe out love." 

I believe that any type of yoga practice calls for an attitude of an open heart and mind.  Most of us who have been practicing yoga start to realize over time that yoga is more than just doing poses or even meditating.  We begin to see that our yoga practice is more about an attitude or an approach to life.

So as I look at how we have handled the last 6 months of great change, I think attitude has been everything.  I could have sat around crying about being away from everyone and everything that I have ever known but instead I went out searching for what I needed to make me more whole.  That is not to say that I have not struggled (or am still struggling) with feelings of lose, loneliness, and sadness but being able to practice yoga and look inside keeps me grounded.  I am grateful for the experiences that I have been given over these past 6 months - both good and bad.  I look at these experiences as personal growth in my yoga practice or more so, my approach to life.

So as we enter this New Year of 2013, may we all truly smile and take time to smell the roses (or in my case, the salty air!).

May we each inhale light and exhale love.

Namaste

        

Walking in my Christmas flip flops...

Change always comes bearing gifts. -Price Pritchett

It was a picture perfect Sunday.  We had just finished up with church,  it was about 80 degrees, the sun was shining, our flip flops were on and here we are, buying a Christmas tree.  I must say that this was a drastic change from the many years in Minnesota where the girls and I would yell to Mike from the car, "Just pick one, we are cold!"



"Sisters, sisters, there were never such devoted sisters"

I recall when we were de-cluttering our lives last summer before the big move we looked at our tree stand and said, "Sell it, we won't be using that in Florida.  We will have to get a fake tree."  Little did we know that no matter where you go, you can always get the real deal.  We were ecstatic when we found out that people got real trees in Florida (well some, not all).  Sure, we have heard the various pooh-poohs about how dry they get down here but really, it is not any different in Minnesota.  So, with a skip in our step and the glow of the season in our hearts, we found the perfect tree.  It was so nice to not be shivering, to take the time to really look at each tree and decide on "the one." 

The traditions that we had in Minnesota have not changed that much since being down here.  The only thing that really seems different is the weather and we are not complaining at all.  We actually went down to a park the other night in St. Pete and they had real snow.  Of course it did not last very long but it was still fun see and feel.

I think the most noticeable change will be that we are not around our families this year.  I know that the girls are a bit sad about this but it makes them feel good to know that the week before Christmas they get to see their aunt and that Mike's family will be down here in January. 

We are fortunate to have a wonderful church community to celebrate with throughout this advent season.  It is fun to hear about others experiences with their first "Florida Christmas."

When I think about the holidays I think about a lot of joy but I also know that for many there is sadness.  Possibly loved ones have passed away or like us, are simply somewhere else.  I tend to think that we put too much pressure on this time of year to be "perfect."

Mike and I have put a lot of pressure on ourselves to make these days extra special for the girls as well.  It is hard not to feel some guilt at the fact that we have moved so far away from everything that the girls have ever known.  Overall they have done great but we knew that Christmas would be the biggest holiday that we might actually feel some of that shared sadness that many do at this time of year.

So we have ventured to a few local Christmas festivals but none of it has really captured the spirit for us.  Then we got to thinking, we never really went to any big festivals in Minnesota, we created our own memories.  Our new memories are ones of walking on the beach on a warm December afternoon, laughing quietly as we know folks back home are shoveling snow!

It reminds me of a hot yoga class I was in a few years back.  The experience that I had at this hot yoga class has helped me shape my own person practice and my teaching style as well as how I look at change.  I recall coming into the ungodly hot studio and seeing all these fit people, men and women, barely dressed.  One man actually had on what looked like a Speedo - JUST a Speedo.  It was hard not to feel intimidated by these buff bodies even when I knew for fact that I was quite strong and fit myself.  I felt like I was in high school and it was more about appearance than the practice.  Not only did I find the same 26 poses predictable and boring but I could not take my mind off the fact that this just did not feel like yoga to me.  It did not feel quite right.  I felt like I was forcing myself to do something I just did not like.  So, I survived the physical but more so the mental hot yoga practice and slammed the door on that one.  I myself do not care for hot yoga but for others it fulfills their practice. What this class did do for me was make me realize what type of yoga practice I do like.  Sometimes we have to experience things we do not like to realize what we really do value. 

So this experience brings to light our current experiences with trying to fulfill expectations that really are not possible.  The Christmas of Florida will of course be different from the Christmas of Minnesota.  But, we can take what we do like and make it into something new that we like even more.  We still have our real tree, the lovely smell of pine in the air.  We can still make all the lovely cookies and food fixings that warm our bellies and give us that temporary sugar euphoria.  We can still open gifts on Christmas morning and see the delight in our girl's eyes.  Instead of being inside by the fire we can put on our flip flops and head down to the beach and warm our bodies with the golden glow of the amazing sun.  We can spend time together and no matter where we are, we are one family.

As we celebrate the anticipation of the season, may we delight in the possibility of new possibilities.  May love, joy, even sadness at times, shape our hearts to being more open to the greater possibilities that are ahead.

Namaste.