Swimming in salty tears

There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love. ~ Washington Irving

I have been a little restless these past few days and I know it is a combination of the end of the school year, the heat (it has been extra hot this Florida spring!), and the six-month anniversary of my dad's death.

I cannot believe it's been six months since that day I kissed and said goodbye to my father.  A half of a year gone already?  I keep thinking I'm supposed to feel a certain way and yet I cannot fully determine how I feel.  My head and heart have been talking to me a great deal over the past few days.  My brain cannot seem to shut down with all the activities that are taking place as the school year ends, the summer begins and plans for a visit back up north are underway.  My heart has been heavy with the thought that when we do visit Minnesota this summer, my dad will not be there.

With all of this I have been adding swimming back into my exercise routine.  I recall a time about ten years ago when I was swimming like a machine.  Right now I am lucky if I get in once, maybe twice a week for laps.  There is something so awesome about gliding along the water, feeling your body move with grace and ease.

So today I kicked off this Memorial Day weekend with taking the girls to the YMCA pool.  I swam some laps while they played in the family pool.  I needed the movement for my body but what I find is that swimming takes me into my own little world.  The only sounds I hear are those of my body moving through the water and my breath entering and exiting in steady rhythm.  It gives me time to think, to escape and to simply feel weightless.

Today's swim was different.  I needed to shed this lingering restlessness and pain within my heart.  I had not cried in a while and it was the perfect place to just let go.  So I swam and I cried those salty tears.  I told my dad that I missed him.

I just kept swimming and crying those salty tears. I thought about the meaning of this weekend.  Thinking again of my dad and how he served in the Korean War and how he is now gone.  I remember Memorial Day weekends as a child.  So excited for the start of summer, my dad grilling, and mom's potato salad and of course the beginning of swimming season.  We lived for swimming as kids growing up in Minnesota.  After surviving the long winters our reward was those days of swimming from Memorial Day all the way through Labor Day.  We savored summer.  It was a time to relax and let go of all your worries.

I kept swimming and crying those salty tears and before I knew it, it had been over 45 minutes.  I felt the internal and external cleansing of those tears.  I had lost track of how many laps I had completed but I felt a lightness fall over my entire body.

The girls joined me in the lap lane.  We practice our swimming strokes together.  My little Chloe hugging me in between our races.  My little Fiona timing her laps.  My dads "little angels" giving me the love and support that I needed at that moment.

I guess I needed a good cry and swim today.  I have a feeling I will have more of them to come - even more this weekend quite possibly.

May we all have a weekend filled with remembering those that have served and passed on but also a weekend filled with renewing, cleansing tears of sadness, joy, love and hope.

Here is to the start of summer, swimming, salty tears, sand between your toes and love embracing your heart always.

Namaste

Dad and his little angels

Here's to the beach this summer!

To be a Real Yogi, or not to be

Yoga, an ancient but perfect science, deals with the evolution of humanity. This evolution includes all aspects of one's being, from bodily health to self realization. Yoga means union - the union of body with consciousness and consciousness with the soul. Yoga cultivates the ways of maintaining a balanced attitude in day to day life and endows skill in the performance of one's actions.  ~ B.K.S. Iyengar

I love B.K.S. Iyengar's quote above for this is how I feel about yoga.  I know that every one's journey is different.  Some students come simply for the physical and that is just fine with me for what most do not know is that there are some really cool things happening inside their minds and souls as well as they practice.  I know others that are only there for the savasana and that is awesome, too.  I truly believe in the end we are all subconsciously seeking balance in our lives.

I came across an article the other day about misconceptions of yoga teachers.  It got me thinking about some of the misconceptions I have heard over my years of practice. I have had my share of comments from both students that practice yoga and from those that have never set foot on a mat.  I would say that modern day marketing has done a good job of making sure everyone knows that yoga exists but I would say that it does not do a good job of relaying what yoga can be for those that practice.

Here are some of the stereotypes I have heard over the years about people who teach or practice yoga:

Real yogis have ectomorphic bodies (aka - thin)

It is hard not to think that all yoga instructors must be tall, thin and gorgeous for that is what every ad shows us.  The last time I saw a "Hard Tail" ad showing a mildly chubby model in yoga clothes was like...never!  Yet, I know for fact that there are many of us instructors and followers of yoga that are not that body type.  We come in all shapes and sizes, with different strengths and weaknesses but we all desire to practice.  

I can honestly say that 15 years ago when I started practicing yoga it was for very superficial reasons.  I wanted that long, lean body.  Guess what?  I did get leaner, stronger, more flexible and I felt fantastic.  I was also in my twenties, teaching tons of high impact classes, had no kids, it was 100% about me.  What I did not know as I began my yoga journey was how my body would crave for that movement and little did I know that my mind did as well.  

As I look back on my journey I can say that yoga is the reason I have had minimal injuries for all the hard classes I have taught back to back, day after day.  Yoga has taught me about how the human body moves and functions.  I have been able to apply this knowledge to helping people get out of pain, including myself.  Yoga got me through two amazing pregnancies and natural labors.  Yoga is something I know I can do for the rest of my life and this makes me so happy.  

All yogis should be vegans or vegetarians

Now the diet thing is a big debate in the yoga world.  I am not ashamed to say I eat meat but it does bother me a bit when people preach their diet.  Just like we are all not the same body type we are all also dealing with completely different and complex nutritional needs.  Some of us have tried vegetarian diets but have found that adding animal protein is really what makes us feel best.

On the more spiritual side of yoga there is the case for ahimsa. Ahimsa means non-harming and so many interpret this to include not killing animals and/or eating them as well.  I understand this but like any practice we all have to do what is right for our bodies.

Instead of insisting that we adhere to a diet that might not work well with our current body why not simply work on eating with gratitude.  Say a prayer of gratitude before each meal thanking those that helped grow and harvest the food we are about to eat.  I know that there are a lot of folks out there that would argue this one with me but again I believe we are all on our own journeys and we need to do what is best for our own well being.

With that, I do think there are things we should consider as well when choosing food.  I do believe that eating real food often is important.  Trying to eat as much organic produce and meat is both important for our own health but that of the environment as well.  Supporting local growers and respecting the earth.  This is just as important as what we eat.

All yogis are flexible like Gumby 

Of course I can put my legs behind my head and balance on one finger - can't you?!?!? 

I cannot tell you how many times I have heard this line, "I can't do yoga for I am not flexible." I normally smile and simply say," Then you have come to the right place for this is where you start the flexibility journey."  That is like saying, " I can't start to clean up my diet and exercise because I am overweight."  Isn't then the point that you need to start doing those things to get to the desired goal?  So, stop saying you can't do yoga for you are not flexible.  If you are a beginner find a beginners class and let the teacher know it is your first time.  If you start at point A then getting to point B,C, D and on will be so much easier.  Flexibility is so different for each person.  Work with what you got and over time you will see a difference.  Just not trying it because you think you can't is not a good excuse.  Remember that we are not just working on flexibility of the body but that of the mind as well.

All yogis are calm and collective all the time

Yes, I float about all day dreaming of rainbows and kittens.  My children are always well behaved and my house is immaculate.  I never worry or get mad either.  Life is perfect.  Only on t.v folks, only on t.v.  Yogis are human, we have our daily lives to deal with, sometimes some really unhappy stuff going on but it is through our yoga practice of the body and mind that have helped us deal with it all.  We cry, we scream, we yell and we even fight sometimes.  I once had a student say, " I so needed that class or I was going to kill someone."  Yes, we are fighting everyday to minimize crime in the community through yoga - both for our students and for ourselves.

All yogis practice yoga everyday

Yes, I wake up daily before the sun rises and complete my practice and meditation.  I then complete all my ayurvedic remedies (oil pulling, Netti pot and warm lemon cleanse) before the kids and hubby get up and we all float out of the house ready for a perfect day.  NOT!  I am lucky if I get a few minutes at night to stretch my body after hours of teaching not just yoga but other classes, training clients, running around for kiddos activities, making sure we all shove something somewhat healthy in our mouths and by that time just a few necessary stretches are all I can handle.  Bed is calling my name.

I would love to be able to practice more and some weeks I am able to carve out more time but know that we are human, too.  We have plenty of stuff to do as well.  We have bills to pay, families to take care of, and community duties.

My favorite thing is to be able to attend a class that I do not teach. When I show up I try my hardest to just be me, incognito.  If I do not chat a lot with you it doesn't mean I don't like you it is just my time.  That is why a lot of times I will go to another club or someplace where no one knows me for it is wonderful to just be the student.

So...

As you can see there are some funny stereotypes for those of us in the yoga world.  If you are thinking about taking up yoga please do.  Sometimes it takes time to find the right class or the right teacher.  Try to be open to all types, explore and make it a journey of the body, mind and spirit.  I promise that once you start, you will not want to stop.

 I thought the photo below explains how a lot of us feel from time to time:

May the light in me honor the light in you,

Namaste

Weaving through the grieving

Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal. ~From a headstone in Ireland

It’s been two months since my dad passed away and some days it feels like a lifetime and in other ways it feels just like yesterday.  No one is ever prepared for grief.  It just arrives and you have to figure out how to deal with it (or not).  

The other day I attended a gentle yoga class.  It was a perfect class for this grieving mind and body.  I have noticed that my body has been responding to my personal grief as much as my heart and mind.  Gentle exercise like yoga and pilates feel the best for me these days.  I know that my body is responding to an aching heart right now and so I need to take extra care of myself.  

At the end of class I was relaxing in savasana and without even thinking about it, I just started crying.    It wasn't huge sobbing tears but they were constant, unstoppable tears rolling down the sides of my cheeks into my ears and hair.  I just let it happen.  It was so cleansing.  I have had my share of tears on many days since my dad died but for some reason this was a new type of relief.  I got up from class and went about the rest of my day.  It was almost like that was the natural part of my relaxation and meditation. No judgment, just accepting the here and now.

I have been exploring the different stages of grief and have decided I have been through many of them and back again.  Here is what I have discovered about each stage within my own journey.

Stage 1: Denial

I told Mike the other day that I wish it was two months ago and that I could relive my final hours with my dad.  Even though it was a tough time I was there with my dad, holding his hand and talking to him.  Those final hours with him were hard but I think many of these days without him have been even harder.  I was wishing for a false reality knowing quite well that this would never happen again.  In some ways denying my fathers death and wishing to relive my final moments with him over and over again sound so much better then trying to figure out how to live without him here on earth.

Stage 2: Anger

This one has been easy to pinpoint.  The first few weeks after my dad’s death I wanted to punch every single person in the face that I saw smoking a cigarette.  We took a short trip about two weeks after my dad’s death to St. Augustine for a quite get-a-way for the family.  We had this awesome balcony over looking the Atlantic and the moment we stepped out on the balcony we were surrounded by cigarette smokers.  It completely ruined my Zen and it reminded me even more of my father's death.  He smoked for over 60 years and although there was not an autopsy anyone could determine that this was the underlying cause of his death.  

I wanted to shout from the balcony," Please put out your f#%ing cigarettes, I just lost my dad to smoking you a#$holes!"  Of course this passive aggressive Midwesterner didn't say it but was screaming it in her head. Noticed that even in my head I was courteous and asked "please."  These are the times I wish I was a quick talking New Yorker and said what I really felt.

I kept saying to Mike, " I hate smokers." He said something that put my anger in perspective.  He explained that if I hated all smokers then that meant I hated my dad, as he was a smoker.  This made my heart sink.  Of course I didn't hate my dad, I LOVE my dad.  So instead I determined that I don't hate smokers, I dislike the addiction.  I normally try not to say the word hate in general so I think dislike is better and again, it is the addiction that I do not like.

Stage 3: Bargaining

This one goes back to my dads smoking.  I have thought many times, "What if my dad didn't smoke, then he would still be alive."  Like I am the Nostradamus of health.  Anything could have taken my dads life regardless of his smoking habit.  We will never know so why speculate and impose more sadness and stress to the situation. 

I also have been grappling with whether me moving to Florida made a difference.  I wonder, "Would dad have lived longer if I had not moved away?"  In some ways blaming myself for my dad's death.  I know this is not the reason for my dad's passing but it is amazing how feelings of guilt creep up on you when you let them.  Again, these are things that cannot be changed and are not the causes for the outcome but is it easy to get yourself wrapped into a tight, guilt-laden bundle.  

Stage 4: Depression

I think this is the stage I have been caught in the most.  The first week after my dad’s funeral I was deeply sad.  I was tired, had no appetite, no drive to do what I normally did.  I literally wanted to sit on the couch and do nothing.  It took everything to get my family ready and myself in the morning.  Going to teach classes and personal train clients were some of the greatest challenges for me.  How was I to take care of others when I could barely take care of myself?  In some sense it was easier to do that then to take care of myself.  I could distract myself instead of dealing with the elephant in the room.

I'm still dealing with this aspect of taking care of myself.  I feel selfish when I decide to take a walk on the beach instead of cleaning the house.  Yet, walking on the beach, taking time to write down my feelings or simply reading a good book are things that soothe me. 

Stage 5: Acceptance

I think I have seen glimpses of this stage.  Giving myself time to cry, to be sad, and to be angry.  Recognizing that I will never ever stop missing my dad, there will always be memories that bring both sadness and joy.  

One of the greatest tools I have been using is focusing on my breath.  The breath is essential to everyday living.  What most do not understand is that we breathe without thinking but that we can take time to truly focus and think about the breathing process.  Am I truly breathing to my utmost capacity? This has been key to helping me relax and take a step back to focus on my grief.  

The two breathing techniques I have been using are very simple.  The first is left nostril breathing.  The theory is that the right side of your body is your energetic side and the left is your more calming side. Before bed at night I cover my right nostril and breathe about 20 times in and out of my left nostril.  You can do the opposite when you need more energy (so breathe out of the right nostril - more likely in the morning or during the day when you feel sluggish). 

The second technique is called 4-7-8 breathing.  You inhale for 4 seconds, hold the breath for 7 seconds and exhale for 8 seconds.  It sounds trickier than it really is so give it a shot.  You do that for four cycles, no more than four cycles at a time.  You can do this a few times throughout the day but it is also nice at night before bedtime.  It really helps to calm the body and create clarity.

There are very few things in this life and world that we can control but our breath is actually one thing we can adjust.  It takes very little time and it is amazing how much better we feel when we truly breathe.

I'm still plugging along these days, some are better then others but knowing I have love and support from my family, friends and ultimately myself are my stronghold.  I know my dad is doing well wherever he may be - looking over us all and shining his love upon us everyday.

May the light in my heart honor the light in yours,

Namaste

In Remembrance

The story of life is quicker than the wink of an eye, the story of love is hello and goodbye...until we meet again. ~ Jimi Hendrix

Yogi Girl has taken quite the hiatus the last few months from blogging.  Life threw me a dagger last month with the death of my father.  I have finally come out from the rock of grief to dedicate this blog to the sweetest man I will ever know - my father - may he rest in peace.

We had just come off a great autumn season as a family (Mike, the girls and myself).  The church was doing well, my work was busy, the girls were flourishing in school and we even fit in a trip to Asheville to pick apples and experience the fall season.

It was the Tuesday after Thanksgiving when I got a text from my sister, "Hey, can you talk now - it is important."

My heart sank  - I just knew it could not be good and I just knew whom it was about.  So without even answering her text I called my sister.  "What's wrong? " was the first thing I said.  She paused, "It's dad, he's not good."  I could tell in her voice that this was the call she was hoping she would never have to make.  My body, specifically my heart, just started throbbing.  The little girl in me sat immediately and listened to my sister give further details on my dad's condition.  I was crying and had numerous thoughts running through my head.  It was that moment in life where you knew that this actual moment was inevitable but of course you are always going to think, "Please not now."

When we decided to move to Florida three years ago, leave all our family in Minnesota, this was the number one reason of doubt for me.  I will admit that even above leaving everyone, my dad was always tops in my heart.  My dad has always had that special spot in my heart - my gentle giant as a child, my contemplative adult parent - only raising his voice when it was SUPER serious. I was and always will be daddy's little girl.  This was going to be a big loss for me and I knew logically that the time would eventually come but I still kept thinking, "Just not yet."

Over the course of the next few weeks I was updated on my dad - no one telling me to come up there yet.  I was completely lost.  There was so much going on in my Florida life.  It was December so it was a busy time of year for everyone.  My heart was torn apart with the questions, "What should I do?"  Did I need to see my dad one more time?"  I kept rationalizing it - trying to convince myself that the human body is not permanent but the spirit is - playing the stoic.  I tried to use my yoga philosophy of non-attachment to reconcile my feelings but it just was not giving me the answers I needed.  

The Saturday before Christmas I was informed that my dad had stopped eating.  It was 7:15am in the morning. My schedule was packed between work and church.    Again, I kept thinking, "What should I do?"  When I talked to my mom I could tell that even though she would not say you should come up here, I could tell in her voice that I needed to come up there - NOW!  After getting off the phone with her I booked the quickest flight of my life.  I have never just booked a flight without scrutinizing - all I could think of was "Get me up there!"  So I quickly called everyone that I needed to and I prepared to see my dad for the last time.

The entire flight up to Minnesota was excruciating, I cried the whole way thinking that my father would die before I got there.  It was official; I needed to see my dad one last time.

My father, Thomas Wallander was the third son of nine children.  Can we say Catholic family?  He was a handsome man - at least I think so and a lot of other women have told me this as well.  He served in the army during the Korean War and like a lot of GIs he returned from duty to work and raise a family.  He was the father of seven children.  He worked hard for decent money but if we are honest - it was not a lot of money.  I still wonder to this day how they raised seven kids on one salary.  I'm sure many of my siblings would say we went without a lot of things but really did we?  We had a home (yes it was really small), we had food, clothes (a lot of hand-me-downs), health care, and Catholic schooling and we had two parents committed to raising a large family.

I remember once overhearing my parents arguing, probably about money and I thought, maybe life would be easier if they did not have so many kids.  So I said to my dad, "Dad, do you ever wish you didn't have seven kids?"  He looked at me and said without hesitation, " I wish I could have had a dozen more."  I have never once doubted my dad's love for me and my family.

Family meant everything to my dad.  I know my experience is different from each of my six siblings for it just always is.  I was the baby of the family - that can never change.  I was both spoiled and neglected on some levels but always loved.  I got my dad at the end of his career - he retired when I was in high school.  I remember him waking me up and making breakfast for me before I went to school.  He always made my basketball games and music performances.  I was lucky to get my dad at this time in his life. 

I remember staying up with my dad as a kid watching Johnny Carson and Cheers.  By the time they got to raise number seven I think bedtime was nonexistent.  I remember his deep laugh as we watched Bugs Bunny cartoons on Saturday mornings and how he would kiss me goodnight and the feel of his "whisker rub" on my cheek.

It is so easy to look upon death and be sad about the person we lose and how we don't get them here on earth any longer.  Yet, there is so much I am thankful for.  My dad saw me through so many major life events.  He taught me how to ride a bike - something I still enjoy to this day.  He saw me graduate from high school and college.  He walked me down the aisle at my wedding and he helped Mike and I raise our two daughters. He saw us move away to Florida to further Mike's career.  He may not of liked it but in the end I think he understood why we had to do it.

Finally, I was able to slowly grieve my father's death.  I got to say, "Goodbye, I love you," to my father one last time....

I arrived late on that Saturday night to find my dad in his bed resting.  I touched his arm and said, "Dad, it's Esperanza, number seven, all the way from Florida."  He opened his eyes, smiled and said, "Yes, the last one made it."  My heart rejoiced, he remembered me.  Then he said, "Did you bring the girls?"  My heart sank a little but then I realized he still remembered his "little angels" and this made me so happy.  We talked for a while - his speech was hard to understand because of his breathing but it didn't matter, we didn't need words we just needed right there and then.  I cried but I was also so relieved.  All my internal turmoil was gone.  I was here to see him one last time. The big question that kept haunting me throughout much of December was answered.  I needed to see my dad one last time and I would.

The course of the next 30 hours was full of family, memories and preparing for our dad's departure from this physical world.  My dad got to see all seven of his kids and many other family members in those last hours.

I didn't sleep much for I knew sleep would come after.  The last night I was with my dad I was awoken from a deep sleep at about 2am.  I think I sensed a change.  His breathing had changed - it was more labored.  I was schedule to leave at 5am to catch my flight back to Florida.  I took those final hours to sit and just be with my dad.  I kissed him, held his hands and told him many times both out loud and inside, " I love you."

When I finally left his bedside for the airport I just got a sense that the end was very near.  I told this to my sister as she drove me to the airport.  As I was boarding my connecting flight about 2 hours later in Chicago my sister called to tell me that our dad had just died.  She said that I was right about him being at the end.  I boarded the plan with massive tears falling from my eyes.  Tears of sadness, gut wrenching pain of loss and tears of thankfulness as well - I got to truly say goodbye to my dad.

As I flew home looking out my window at the sun and white puffy clouds I thought, "Dad is flying with me - dad is free - dad can finally breathe."

Tears of loss ran down my face most of the flight but tears of no regrets ran as well.  I will never forget the 37 years I knew my dad as that soft-spoken man with a big heart for his children and grandchildren.  I will never regret those 30 hours I spent with my dad preparing him and myself for his last few breath's.  He died in peace in his own home with his wife of 62 years by his side - his one last request.

I truly believe my dad is still here - here in my heart - always and forever.  I will always cherish the 37 years of memories and those final, holy hours with you dad.  I am blessed to be your daughter, your little girl forever.  Until we meet again dad - I will always love you.

The big "D"

Food for the body is not enough.  There must be food for the soul.  ~ Dorothy Day

It is really tough to go a day without thinking about it, seeing it on Facebook, in magazines, in our kitchens, but most importantly putting in our mouths and bellies, yes, that would be food.  Look down the grocery aisles, hear it on television, Paleo, vegan, non-GMO, organic and on and on and on.  Everyday there is a new one that is better than the one yesterday and that is where the big "D" comes to play - DIET.  For many of us the word diet is a not-so-fun four-letter word.  

I will admit that I think about food ALL. THE. TIME.  I have always had a generous appetite.  I have also been blessed with good eating habits since I was young.  My mom always made us eat fruit and vegetables even if we didn't like them.  Yes, we ate our fair share of naughty food but at the end of the day I can say that I have a good, well-rounded palette.

When I used to asked clients about food my first question to them would be, "How's your diet?"  When I look back on this I think, "Yikes, what a horrible question!"  The word diet holds such negative emotions for many people.   

I have never really gone on a "diet." This is not to say that I make 100% awesome food choices but I have found that depriving myself does not fix the problem.  The food journey has been ever changing for me over the past year.  I have mentored with colleagues who have expertise in food and nutrition.  I will tell you that the knowledge I have gained has more to do with the spiritual and emotional aspects of food and less about the science behind it.  

Think about food for a moment.  Maybe there are certain foods we deem "bad" versus "good."  Goodness knows that all the latest diet fads will tell you to not eat this and only eat that.  Food is more than just chemical reactions within the body supplying energy to keep us going.  Think of all the joyful events that surround food like birthdays, weddings, and anniversaries.  Food is also there at times of sadness like funerals and when people get sick.  There is no doubt that we can tie food to just about anything we do.  

Food is so much more than simple calories; food is nourishment and medicine for body, mind and spirit.  Think of all the amazing things food does for our bodies and in return keeps up alive and able to enjoy another day?  

Now when I talk to my clients about food I say either, "How are you nourishing your body?" or "How are you fueling your body."  These questions sound much more positive.

When I go to eat I always think, it this nourishing me and fueling me for the day?

Again, I am not an expert on what you should be eating or not but I do have a few simple things that are easy ways to start nurturing our bodies with food.  Here are a few things that I believe are sound nutritional practices:

1. Right away in the morning drink a class of lemon water - lukewarm or room temperature is best.  Use real lemons and do it before you do anything else in the morning.  Think about it this way, you have hopefully slept about 8 hours and your body is dehydrated, this a great way to hydrate the body and lemons are a great way to start cleansing your body from within.

2. Eat real food as much as possible. This means fresh fruit and vegetables preferably over canned but frozen are fine when you are in a pinch. Use fresh herbs to season such as dill, basil, parsley, cilantro, oregano and thyme. Herbs have many healing qualities.

3. Try not to drink your calories.  So basically avoid or limit soft drinks and alcohol.  I know, what a downer but beverages with calories add up over time.  Drink mainly water throughout the course of the day.  Try drinking tea made from fresh spices and herbs like cinnamon, parsley, mint and ginger. They are inexpensive, flavorful and calorie free all while being hydrating.

4. Eat good sources of fat.  Try different oils such as olive and coconut (organic is best).  Butter is good but ghee is even better.  Avocados rock, too. Remember that a little goes along way!

5. Try to eat fermented food - seriously.  I make my own sauerkraut and it is cheap and easy.  There are good probiotics in fermented foods that are amazing for your gut.  If you suffer from digestion issues this is a must for you.  There are loads of other probiotic foods that your palette may prefer such as yogurt so do some research and eat a little every day.

6. Carbs are not evil, just pick the highest quality ones as often as possible.  Fruits and vegetables are carbs so eat, eat, eat.  Whole wheat over white bread, brown over white rice and whole grains when possible.  We need carbohydrates.

7. Protein is great but we do not need to over do it.  If you eat meat choose lean cuts and organic when possible. Organic dairy or alternatives like almond milk are wonderful.  Beans are a great vegetarian and vegan option.

8.  Eat real, high quality dark chocolate.  The higher the percentage of cocoa the better.  Not only is it good for you but it tastes awesome.  Also, we all must live, right?

9. Branch out and try different things like chia seeds, quinoa and kale.  Experiment with different recipes so you can enjoy some of these nutrient-rich foods.

10.  Make eating more about enjoyment and nourishment and less about how we desire to look. Remember that if we are not fueling our internal body it will eventually show on the outside.  Think about how you feel after eating something nourishing compared to something unhealthy.  Overtime your body will start to crave that which makes us feel good.

So, there is Yogi Girl's eating philosophy.  No deprivation, no gimmicks, just fueling for the body, mind and soul. Do I fall off the wagon every once in a while and eat something not so wholesome? A resounding...YES!

Everyday is different and our bodies internal system can change over time.  Always be mindful of how we are feeling in our digestion.  If we have a constant upset stomach, overactive or under active bowels this is a sign that something is not going well in our bodies.  Listen to our bodies and seek help when we cannot solve the issues on our own.  There are numerous dietitians and natural healers out there that can help solve our digestion and nutritional issues.

To end this foodie discussion I thought I would post my most recent favorite go-to recipe.  Eat well and be well folks.  Honor our bodies with good nourishing food and our bodies will honor us.

May the light in my heart honor the light in yours.

Namaste


Kale Salad with Honey Lemon Dressing

Salad Ingredients:

6 cups of finely cut kale, no stems
1 red pepper cut in thin slices
2 carrots shredded
1 bunch of green onions thinly sliced
1 cup of shelled edamame
1/2 cup of fresh parsley finely minced
1 cup of orange slices (navel or clementine)

Dressing Ingredients:

2 tablespoons of local honey
1 tablespoon of dijon mustard
1 lemon zest and juice
2 tablespoons of olive oil
Salt and pepper to taste

Combine all salad ingredients into a large bowl.  Whisk dressing ingredients together and then pour over salad. You can eat immediately but it actually gets better over the course of a few hours and into the next day or two for the lemon breaks down the kale and makes it tender.  Enjoy!

Wild and Free

Look deep into nature, and then you will understand everything better. ~ Albert Einstein

About a month ago I left civilization for a week to be one with nature.  I left my cell phone at home and checked out of my daily reality for a few days with three other amazing women.  I was more than excited to once again enter the Boundary Waters Canoe Area and the Quetico.  This National forest is one of 12 places left in the United States that is untouched and remote.  No indoor plumbing, no electricity, no running water, just us and our food and equipment.

I took this adventure with my sister Nunciata, and two other friends Nancy and Sara.  I was especially excited for I had ventured before into the BWCA but this was my first time in the Quetico.  The Quetico is considered more rugged and is located in Canada (just north of the Minnesota border).  This trip was planned out well in advance for you need to acquire a permit from the Quetico, get a passport if you did not already have one and get your CanPass for entry into the country.  Having the right equipment and food is super important for once you are in you cannot run out and get something you forgot.  So after months of planning, quite a few miles traveled in my case (from Florida to Minnesota and then to the Canadian border), we were ready to conquer the Quetico.

The Wilderness Women

We had kept our eyes on the weather for many days leading up to the trip and knew that having a rain-free trip was near to impossible - especially with the wet season they had been having up north.  Our greatest chance of rain was for our entry day - of course!  So we woke up before dawn to pack up our equipment and the skies were cloudy.  Luckily the air was not cold so we knew that a little rain would not hurt us - just make the adventure a bit soggy.  The hardest part with being wet in the wilderness is that it is really hard to find a dry place and it takes a while to dry out when you do get wet.

There was no turning back once we were dropped off at our entry point.  Get our equipment and food into the canoes and start paddling.  Our first hour of paddling was in a complete downpour and I kept thinking to myself, "Did I really sign myself up for this?"  The funny thing was that even during the midst of being completely soaked I was still looking forward to this time away from it all.  

Fortunately Mother Nature was merciful and at about Noon that first day the sun broke out and we were able to find our first campsite and dry out.  It is amazing how dry clothes become a luxury in the wilderness.

This trip tested us both physically and mentally.  On the first night, Sara fell off a five to six foot landing backwards and we were so worried she had broken her foot.  Luckily our first night in we pack in frozen steaks as our first meal to really fill us up for the week.  The steaks were still somewhat frozen and so she helped defrost the steaks as it aided in her foot recovery.  We had an excellent first aid kit (Sara is a nurse) so we were prepared.  I also think that Sara's strength and high threshold for pain is why she was adamant that we persevere.  We were all ready to do whatever Sara thought she needed to do but she was firm on foraging ahead with our trip.  The one condition we all had for her was that she was not going to lift anything heavy.  Luckily her paddling arms were not hurt.

The first picture above is of Sara's foot - ouch.  She did get it checked out after the trip and no broken bones thankfully!

The second picture is evidence of the mud we had to drudge through with our canoes and equipment.

So, as we ventured on for the remainder of the week we laughed, and laughed, and laughed.  I swear, I have not laughed that hard in years.  It felt so good.  It felt good to work hard portaging canoes and large packs of equipment across knee deep mud paths.  I know that sounds crazy to many but it was physically and at times mentally challenging.  You have to use your mind and body, work together as a team and sometimes you have to take another way to get to your final destination.

We had a campsite that was right next to a waterfall and because of the heavy rains earlier in the summer it was rushing quickly.  It was such a treat to fall asleep to the sound of falling waters.  We also were able to hike up to the top of the waterfall and take in amazing views.  I forgot how much I loved the cool, clean waters of the north.  It was so refreshing to take a daily dip into the freshwater lakes and not have to worry about alligators or water moccasins! Our final night in the Quetico was next to a babbling brook.  Again, we got to experience the sounds of water flowing as we breathed in the cool, crisp air at night.

Me chilling next to the babbling brook, hammock style!

As I look back at this trip I truly believe that my yoga practice is what helped me through a lot of the tough stuff.  First, physically my yoga practice strengthened my entire body to be ready to complete some really challenging portages.  Yet, I think that my breathing work and meditation practice really helped to ground me when "the going got tough."  Perseverance is exactly what is needed when you are in the wilderness.

Morning has broken...gorgeous

There is such a sense of accomplishment to be able to work as a team through thick and thin.  We worked hard but we also were able to play hard and relax as well.  Being together to talk about things that inspire us, joke a lot of the time and just be ourselves.

Letting go of expectations and just taking what comes at you can be really difficult.  My time on my mat has given me the ability to do this - yet I will be the first to admit it is not easy.  There were times on the trip where I was really physically beat after numerous portages and having to deal with some soggy weather.  The lack of indoor plumbing really teaches one to be thankful for the invention of it.  Seriously, this part of the trip is not for the faint of heart - it literally is about digging in the dirt.  I will not go any further with that subject!  

Amazing sunsets, you can just feel the quietness

Yet, even after all the dirt, bugs, wet clothes and physical exhaustion, I was sad to see it come to an end.  My mom used to always say that "You know it was a good trip if you are sad when it is over." It was more than a good trip, it was an incredible trip.  It was about the journey of four friends, dealing with the elements, using each others talents to the fullest and enjoying the awesomeness of the earth that surrounds us.  

As I continue on with my daily life, with my time I spend on my mat, I will always remember how I felt both fully alive and fully calm in the wilderness.  I hope that this is also how I can continue to feel as I go about with my future yoga practice and with daily life.  Remembering that life is about living here and now, there will be challenges, there will be sadness and joy, there will be times of high energy and times of calmness.  The true test is to be able to embrace them all.

May the wilderness in my heart honor the wilderness in yours,

Namaste

Lazy, Crazy Days of Summer, Past and Present

Summer is the annual permission slip to be lazy. To do nothing and have it count for something. To lie in the grass and count the stars. To sit on a branch and study the clouds. ~Regina Brett

I have taken a hiatus from blogging mainly because life has been flying by faster than I can keep up with it.  I also believe that summer is a time to truly kick back and let go.  Everyone keeps asking me what the kids are doing this summer and I am like, "Ah, nothing."  Seriously, when did summer become a huge schedule fest?  I remember my summers as a kid being time outside swimming and playing, lounging around and sleeping in - the best!  I truly believe that kids need down time just as much as adults.  Now, this is not to say that we have not been busy this summer but it has been filled with lots of down time.

This summer marks some really cool anniversary's for me and our family.  We have officially met the two year mark here in Florida - wow!  Mike and I were reminiscing last night on our date night about how quickly it all happened, moving to Florida and establishing ourselves as Floridians.  We marvel at the beauty of the beaches and the lovely warm winters we get to enjoy.  We do miss our families and certain aspects of Minnesota but overall this has been a fun adventure for us as a family.

Enjoying time as a family together this summer in the Smokey Mountains.  So relaxing...

The other anniversary I am celebrating is with my friend Jen.  Ten years ago she and I competed in our first ever triathlon.  I remember that in the winter of 2004 Jen asked me if I would be interested in competing in the Lifetime triathlon that summer in Minneapolis.  I was super pumped and we started training early.  We really focused on the swimming for that was our biggest weakness and yet I think we both grew to love working on laps.  We spent our weekends training in all three disciplines and it was such a great time growing together as friends.  Then a funny thing happened about halfway through our training - I got pregnant!  I remember thinking, OMG, what am I going to do?

Luckily I had a great OB/GYN who was totally supportive of me continuing with training and doing the actual triathlon.  I had already been training beforehand so the rule of thumb was you could continue with whatever you were doing as long as the pregnancy was normal.  Well, we kept trucking along and come race day we were ready to work.

I remember looking around all the people in my heat for the swimming portion and I said nicely, "Please try not to kick the pregnant lady."  I think I got a few elbows in the head but the baby bump was safe.

The biking portion went well.  I knew I was going to need to take it easy for it was 90 degrees outside in the Minnesota, summer sun so I told Jen to go ahead.  I wasn't looking to win the race, completion was my main goal.  I made it through the biking portion and to my delight, Jen was there waiting for me so we could run together.

We did a run/walk and I will always be thankful that she stuck with me even though I knew she could have easily gone ahead.  The crowds were cheering us on, both of our families were there and we made it past the finish line with energy to spare.  It was a great feeling and still to this day I am amazed at how strong the human body can be.

That day will always remind me that we are stronger than we think we are, especially during tough times.  The other aspect that plays into mind is that great saying from one of my favorite movies, "It's a Wonderful Life."  The quote is, "Remember George, no man is a failure who has friends."

Friends make our lives more complete and joyful.  Friendships also change over time.  Jen and I are two busy moms now and we live in two different states but those memories and those feelings always remain.

The anniversaries of moving to Florida and competing in my first triathlon are milestone events that will always live in my heart.  These events have shaped the person I am this very day.  Living in the present but honoring the past.

As we journey onward this summer, enjoy what is, honor what was and let go of what might be the future.

The summer light in my heart honors the summer light in yours,

Namaste