Unsettled

People wish to be settled; only as far as they are unsettled is there any hope for them.  - Ralph Waldo Emerson

It is official; we are entering into our second year here in Florida. The first year, the honeymoon year, is always a whirlwind. Everything is new and you live by the mantra "This is the first..."  Things still feel new in the second year but the nostalgia of it being the first has worn off.  You still feel like the newbie but you can no longer truly wear that crown.  You walk around confused, in between the world of those that know where there are going and those that are still completely lost.  I call this the second year syndrome.

As the kids went back to school last week, Mike and I did our annual  "Hurry, drop the kids off at school and let's go celebrate at the beach," day. We spent the morning walking on Clearwater beach while recapping our first full Florida summer. Let's see, it was hot, hot and did I mention humid?  Like every summer vacation, it goes by too fast and yet going back to school is always exciting and new.

So as the kids embark on another new school year, as Mike has another exciting year ahead at his career, I too have a new year filled with more possibilities. I have been feeling an array of emotions since returning from Minnesota last month. It was a great trip but my feelings have been all over the place - happy, sad, anxious, bored, restless, and uneasy. Not sure where I am heading but I know I have things set ahead for me. After speaking with both my good friend Linda and my niece April, I finally figured out where I am; I am unsettled.

As the Buddha said, impermanence is the nature of the human condition. Many of us know this truth in our minds but tend to resist in our hearts. Change happens all around us, all the time, yet we long for the predictable, the consistent. We want the reassurance that comes from things remaining the same.

I have found myself going through this often in the last few weeks.  I know a lot of it has to do with my current visit back to Minnesota.  I was temporarily put back in "the way it used to be" mode.  Then within a matter of hours I was transported back to my new way of life here in Florida.  It is so easy to cling onto the memories of the past, especially when they are wonderful memories.  Yet, I have had many exciting experiences so far here in Florida that I do not want to feel ungrateful for these opportunities. 

I recently came across an article from Judith Hanson Lasater explaining certain verses of Patanjali's Yoga Sutras.  She uses the first verse that is translated "Now is an exposition on yoga."  Lasater does a good job at explaining what we should really be focusing on in this verse:

"That first word is the key. The verse is intended to underscore the importance of the study of yoga right now. It encourages us to focus on what is happening to the body, mind, breath, and emotions in this moment.  Now is a word that is powerful and sufficient enough by itself to be used as a life study, a sort of mantra. The ability to respond to now, to live in now, to enjoy each precious moment without clinging to it or pushing it away is the essence of spiritual practice.  We can live to the fullest when we recognize that our suffering is based not on the fact of impermanence but rather on our reaction to that impermanence."

I know that things have changed, but it is how I have been reacting to these changes that are making me feel the many ways I do.  I have some new avenues that I am about to travel down and I am resisting this change by feeling anxious and scared.  Instead of brooding over the fact that "We ain't in Minnesota anymore," I should be embracing, "Yes, we are in Florida NOW!"

These feelings of being unsettled are real and will more than likely never go away for nothing is permanent, things are always changing.  Maybe I should throw out the second year syndrome and go back to the honeymoon stage - but with eyes wide open for the here and now.  I should treat every experience as if it were both the first and possibly the last time I could do it.  Enjoy what is now for tomorrow might be something completely different (and maybe even better). 

So as I walk forward with new opportunities this fall, watch my girls grow another year older and my husband spread his brilliant teachings to others, all I need to remember is to watch and then let go for I know something new is right up ahead of us again, and again, and again, and again...

May the ever changing light in my heart honor the ever changing light in yours.

Namaste

Home(s)

Where we love is home - home that our feet may leave, but not our hearts.  - Oliver Wendell Holmes

As I was walking on the beach tonight I was approached by a couple that asked me, "Are you from here?'  My immediate response was, "Yes, I am."  They asked me for information on the area and I talked with them about some of the best beaches to see while down here on vacation.  It was a nice conversation and then I went along my way to finish my beach walk and see the sunset.

As I continued on my walk I realized that this was the first time since moving down here that I had claimed Florida as my home.  I did not hesitate as I was asked tonight and I really felt like I kind of knew the area well enough to hand out advice on where to go.

I started thinking; can you have more than one home? Where is my home?  Minnesota or Florida?

We just returned from our summer vacation to Minnesota.  As we traveled back to visit family and friends in Minnesota, Mike and I did a recap of our first year in Florida.  One of the main things we talked about was how many people we have met over the course of this past year.  If we had never moved to Florida we would have never met all these amazing people.

It was also our first ever "warm" winter.  We definitely did not miss shoveling snow or dealing with winter driving.  Yes, we do not mind being called beach bums!

There are things we miss about our Minnesota home.  Visiting Minnesota this summer gave us a lot of time to reconnect with family and friends.  We truly had an awesome time experiencing our old way of life.  I drove around the cities like I had for the previous 34 years, ate at favorite restaurants, had a "cabin" day and just lived the Midwest life.  I will not lie; it will always feel like home but not because of the place itself but for the relationships and the experiences.

Yet, by the end of vacation we were all saying, "I want to get home."  We missed our little place in Florida, our beds, the salt air and just our way of life now down here.

So the big question is can you have more than one home?  Literally yes, own as many dwellings as you like but what I really think it means is that home is what we make of it.  Some people really need that physical structure that makes them feel comfortable and safe.  Others need to surround themselves with people and human connections.  I also think that simple time is what is needed to feel comfortable and to get that home feeling.

I once heard someone in a yoga class say that they called Extended Child's pose home. This pose is a surrendering pose and how appropriate to call it home.  Where else can you totally relax and just be yourself but at home.  I sometimes suggest that the more we come back to downward facing dog throughout practice the more it feels like a home posture and not so much of a working posture.

I know I will always call Minnesota home for that is where I was born and raised, there my family still lives and where familiar and loving experiences still exist.  Florida is my current home where I am slowly starting to feel like I belong, am a part of a new experience and am excited for the possibility of expanding my horizons.

As I started thinking about the idea of having more than one home I thought this summed it up quite well:

Never make your home in a place. Make a home for yourself inside your own head. You'll find what you need to furnish it - memory, friends you can trust, love of learning, and other such things. That way it will go with you wherever you journey. - Tad Williams 

May the home in my heart honor the home in yours.

Namaste

Mixed Emotions

If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. - Wayne Dyer

Our one year anniversary of becoming Floridian's is upon us.  On July 6th we will have been here in the sunny state of Florida for exactly one year.  So what are we doing to celebrate?  We are getting in our car and heading up to visit good old Minnesota.  It feels strange to say that I am spending my vacation in Minnesota - this is something I never thought I would say.  Do not get me wrong, I love Minnesota but after living there for 34 years it was always home, not a vacation destination.

I have to laugh a bit for we now live in a state that is a vacation destination and every time I walk on the beach I think, this is so cool.  Sometimes I still feel like I am on vacation.  I have grown accustomed to my beach walks, my constant application of SPF and even those palmetto bugs are old hat now.

One of our favorite places just 10 minutes from our home: Honeymoon Island State Park
Mike caught this picture of me doing what I love the most - walking on the beach!

So with this pending trip ahead of us I must say that I am a bit anxious.  I am excited to see all my family and friends but I wonder how I am going to feel.  I have not seen some of my family members for over a year.  This is the longest I have ever gone in my entire life without seeing them.  How are my kids going to react to going back to Minnesota?  Will I not want to leave?  Will I be excited to come back to Florida?  So many questions - ah!

I was on the phone this past week with a college friend who I plan on seeing on my trip and I said to her, "I might cry."  I just know it is going to be an emotional trip.  As I write this blog passage I am actually starting to feel alright about it being emotional.  I believe that relationships are the most crucial part of being human.  So, experiencing joy of reconnecting and sorrow of living far away are simply responses to my own humanity. 

I have been trying my hardest to keep up with my personal yoga practice to help me stay centered through these next few weeks.  I came across a nice article about yoga and anxiety.  We live in a culture that tends to create a lot of anxiety and stress.  So, sometimes it is something as simple as taking a few moments to breathe deeply and move freely with our bodies that helps us calm down.  Take a look at the article if you are looking for actual postures that are helpful for this:

Yoga poses for anxiety

I am truly excited to spend my summer vacation with my family and friends.  I know I will have a ton of fun, laughing (and maybe crying), reconnecting and remembering what matters to me most.  Nurturing human relationships should always be emotional; otherwise it simply is just "someone I know."

May the love in my heart honor the love in yours,

Namaste

P.S. Minnesota peeps, call, text or email me if you want to get together while we are up in MN.  Please keep the mosquitoes to a minimum!

A change of scenery

He who rejects change is the architect of decay.  The only human institution which rejects progress is the cemetery.  -Harold Wilson

I was training a client the other day and I asked her what she was doing for Memorial Day weekend.  She recently moved to Florida as well and her response was "I don't know.  I was so used to going to the cabin where I used to live that I don't know what I am supposed to do down here."  I thought that was kind of funny for my gut response to her was "Go to the beach of course!"

It has been helpful to have the beautiful distraction of the Gulf and the mild weather these past eleven months to assist with our big move.  It is hard to believe that we are just a few weeks away from completing our first full year in Florida.  I can truly say it has been life-changing.  Actually, what it has really made me do is examine the process of change and how every person handles it differently.

As I look at my family, I can say that we have each adjusted well.  A lot of this has to do with the fact that we have each other.  Our relocation to Florida basically forced us to be a close family.  We were always very involved with our kids, doing things together but since moving down here that has been the main focus.  Whether we head to the beach or to the fruit stand, we do it together.

Both Mike and I have been fortunate to have careers that we could jump right into once we arrived.  I cannot express how important my teaching and training at the YMCA has kept me connected and alive.  I am thankful to have a place where I can practice my skills and help people each and every day. 

The girls have settled so well into their new school and have met some very fun friends.  We were invited to a Memorial Day party of one of Chloe's classmates and it was so nice to hang out with other people who have gone through similar experiences like us.  We kind of like the new Memorial Day tradition of a pool party!

So I thought again over Memorial Day weekend about my client who always headed to the cabin.  Yeah, we used to do similar things like heading to the cabin as well living in Minnesota but now we have other things we can do.  Sometimes it is important to change things up, give something else a try.  It all goes back to how we handle change.  I could wallow in the fact that I am not in Minnesota or I can embrace that fact that I am about 10 minutes away from one of the best beaches in the whole U.S.A.  Things change and thank goodness they do.  It is not always easy but it is definitely doable.

Walking on the beach a few times per week has become a great way for me calm my mind and enjoy my change of scenery.  This journey has not been all rainbows and kittens but it has been a beautiful adventure so far.  I look forward to completing my first year and am excited to see what the next year brings us.

May the light in me honor the light in you.

Namaste

P.S. I am happy to report that my client did end up going to the beach on Memorial Day weekend!

The big stuff

Life is so constructed, that the event does not, cannot, will not, match the expectation. - Charlotte Bronte

It has been a busy month for the MacMillan family.  From guests in town to celebrating Chloe's birthday, we have had our fill of big events.  For a moment I breathe a sigh of relief and say, "We made it through the big stuff."  The big stuff referring to our first Florida Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter and of course birthdays. 

I have struggled with the idea of having the "perfect" moments for my kids.  I think a mixture of guilt from moving them 1500 miles away from their original home and my striving for perfection have put me in an anxious mode these past few months.  Luckily I have a husband, family and friends that keep me grounded.  They remind me that I am doing the best that I can for my kids and at the end of the day, I know they are given all the love and support that they need from me.   So, as I have gotten a few of these big events here in Florida under my belt I have realized that it always works out and just being together makes it a great event.

It was so fun to watch Chloe and all her little kindergarten friends swim and play at her birthday party.  It was not a huge spectical and yet at the end of the day Chloe was so happy.  That was all that mattered and it brought a smile to my heart.

We have had so many fun times here in Florida and a lot of those revolve around the beach.  My oldest sister was in town a few weeks ago and we of course made the great drive to Clearwater Beach.  It was the week of the Sandcastle Sculptures and that was really neat to see.  We are used to seeing snow castles but this year we traded that in for sand instead. 

Girls in front of a sand sculpture at Clearwater Beach

 

I have spent a lot of my time and energy on worrying about how the big events would turn out that I let that shadow these fun adventures.  It is always a work in progress, the test of patience, letting go of expectation and just enjoying the ride.

I used to say this to many of my yoga students, "Practice makes better (not perfect)." I think that this can be applied to all areas of life.  There are always going to be good days and maybe not so good days.  This goes for on and off the yoga mat. 

After you practice yoga for a while you start to realize that there are days where just rolling out the mat is about all our practice will involve.  I had a good realization last week during my own yoga practice, "What happens on the mat, stays on the mat."  Our yoga practice is just that, our own.  So are the big and not so big events in our lives - they are always ours.

So, I will continue to practice the art of patience, striving to simply be better (not perfect) and enjoying this sun-filled ride.

May the light in me honor the light in you,

Namaste

Springing forward for a sharper mind

The mind can go in a thousand directions, but on this beautiful path, I walk in peace.  With each step, the wind blows.  With each step, a flower blooms. - Thich Nhat Hanh

The progression of the seasons is evident in so many ways. We see it in our natural surroundings, the birds singing, the trees blooming, the days are lighter and longer. I feel like spring is the new "New Year's."  Time to consider changes for us, out with the old and in with the new - yoga practices.

On Tuesdays and Thursdays I instruct a Yoga Intro class which is then followed with fifteen minutes of guided meditation. I simply love these classes. I am amazed at the openness and willingness of the participants. Many of the participants are well over 60; many quite limited in their movements and yet so dedicated to coming week after week.

The class is simply inspiring and makes me proud of where anyone can go, no matter what age, shape or form. I think what makes the class so awesome is how so many people stay for the fifteen minutes of meditation. This is where the real work begins and today I was reminded of how important it is to "try something new."

I have evolved over my 13 years of teaching. I used to think that yoga was just about the poses, hard work and pushing to that final expression of the pose. Well, in today’s practice we mostly focused on standing postures using a chair for assistance. We move at a slower pace, really focusing on getting into the postures and changing them for each person's needs. We spend quite a bit of time on learning how to really breathe - finding a complete inhale and exhale. Finally settling into our savasana. Most of us can get down to the floor but those that cannot stay in their chairs and simply find their own state of calm.

Today's guided meditation was given to me by a fellow instructor. I really liked it so I thought I would try it out on the class. The meditation is a memory meditation and involves some vocalizing. Being the old "asana only" yogi for so many years you must know that chanting and oming is still a bit "out there for me." Although I like to think that it is the people in the class that won't like it, I think I have used that as a cover up for my own insecurities with this process.

So, I thought what the heck let's try out this meditation and see how people react.

The idea is that you say the sounds "Sa, Ta, Na, Ma" while touching your thumbs to a corresponding finger. "Sa" goes with thumb and index finger, "Ta" with thumb and middle finger, "Na" with thumb and ring finger, "Ma" with thumb and pinky finger. The first two minutes you say the syllables out loud while lightly touching the corresponding finger, the next two minutes you whisper the syllables, the next four minutes you say them silently in your head, the next two minutes return to whispering, and the final two minutes back to saying them out loud. It should take about twelve minutes give or take. You also really want to draw out the "ah" sound with each syllable.

The meditation itself is quite simple and very soothing. So how did the class respond? Quite well indeed. Everyone was saying the words, some louder than others but no one walked out (which is always an instructor's biggest fear, well that and someone getting hurt). Everyone left at the end with a great yogi smile and a calming nature.

This meditation was conducted on a group of people through an Alzheimer’s study. They did this memory meditation everyday for 8 weeks and found amazing results showing increased blood flow to the area of the brain that holds memory.

I just finished reading Sanjay Gupta's "Chasing Life." It is a great read on how to live the fullest life we can with what we have before us. I felt great about my role so far in the exercise and diet areas (although there is always room for improvement!), but when he started talking about lowering our stress levels and exercising our brains I felt like a slouch. This memory meditation is something that I can do for the next few weeks. Conducting it with my class as well as doing it on my own. I know this area I need to grow and change comes from within. I cannot control very much in life but I can take a lead on trying to make my life the most abundant it can be with the tools I have at hand.

So we come back to this new season of spring and my goal is to take better care of my mind and spirit. I need this calming breath and focus as I jump into tax season!

Allow this spring season to open our hearts, minds and spirits to something new. I leave you with a simple song of "Sa, Ta, Na, Ma."

May the springtime light in me honor the springtime light in you.

Namaste.

Oh the places we have been...

A person who never made a mistake never tried anything new. - Albert Einstein

The other day as I was cleaning, like the good Virgo that I am, I got to thinking about greater things in my life that I have tried that are beyond simply having a presentable home.  What have I done so far in this life of mine?  We tend to dwell so much on the things we have not done that we fail to see all that has been accomplished.  So here are a few things that came to mind for me:

1. I totally forgot that right out of college I tried out for the Minnesota Opera.  Seriously, I had a music minor degree and I knew I would not make it into even a chorus role but I was young and it was a great opportunity. I got professional pictures taken and everything.  I did not get a call back but at least I could say I tried.  I am sure that the young diva in me said something like, "Their loss, wait until I am famous..."

2.  I kissed the Blarney Stone in Ireland on Saint Patrick's Day.  Yes, I made the hike up the famous castle, let some old Irish guy hang onto me as I bent backwards  (my pre-yoga days)  and thankfully did not contract any diseases in the process.  It is true; I have the gift of gab and luckily a strong immune system!

3. I hung out with actual Welch Rubgy players in Wales.  To be real honest, they might not have been rugby players but they were Welch and a ton of fun!  I recommend that anyone in college take advantage of traveling abroad - it will change your life.

4. I have roughed it in the wilderness in the BWCA (Boundary Waters Canoe Area) in northern Minnesota.  No phones, beds, or running water.  I carried 50 pound packs on my back, canoes, pumped water to drink, and made food over a campfire.  It was some of the toughest work I have ever done and also the most satisfying.  On one of those trips I also went cliff jumping .  Thanks to our fearless leader Nancy for she jumped first to make sure it was safe.  It was a total rush and I want to do it again. As much as I love sitting by the beach relaxing, there is something awesome about roughing it.

5. I married a man who respects me and my dreams.  He is a generous and compassionate person who has the same desire to do well in this world.  He loves his daughters and would lay down his life for any of us.  This is a true gift.

6.  I completed my first ever triathlon when I was six months pregnant.  I remember kissing my husband before the race and he looked at me and said, "Be safe."  I knew he was going to be a good dad right at that moment.  I crossed the finish line with my friend Jen in under two hours.  I recall taking a two hour nap and then we headed down to Murray's Steak house for the famous butter knife steak.  Nothing better then earning a fine meal.

7.  I bruised my ribs in a boogie board accident in Hawaii.  One of the most painful injuries in my recent history but well worth the embarrassing memories (and six-plus week recovery!).

8. I had two natural childbirths.  To some this might not seem like much but to those that have given birth - it is a big deal!  Thank goodness for yoga and breathing.  I am thankful for a strong body and two healthy children.

9. I found a career where when I come home I feel like I have made a difference in my community.  I am a role model, a motivator and I hope that people view me as a good person. 

10.  I moved to Florida before I was 65!

I could go on with more things but the point is to do a quick reflection.  This can easily tie into the practice of yoga.  Many times we offer a pose to try for participants and a lot of people simply say, " I cannot do that."  What we need to realize is that the final look of any pose is always a journey.  One person's trikonasana is not another's.  There is not one defined way to reach a pose, we each get there at our own pace and with our own abilities.  I think that is why I have been so drawn to yoga over the years, there are not absolutes, just suggestions.  Like life, yoga is not about what we have not done but where we have been and are continuing to go with our practice. 

So, to all of us who are still trying to figure out what we are going to do when we grow up, stop worrying, reflect upon what we have done so far and enjoy the journey.  Work and play hard and before we know it, work and play become the same thing.  Try that funky yoga pose, go sky-diving (or something outside our comfort zone), hug the ones you love AND hug those that challenge us for they need it, too.

May the light in my heart honor the light in your heart.

Namaste